Republicans: The Party of "What Lies Can We Use To Get Our Way This Time?"

My friend, The Devout Atheist, has been known to unleash a diatribe every now and then, ranging in topics from Bernie Sanders, to Massacre Prevention Legislation and most recently the completely unhinged Republican Party.  This has been published with his express permission, so without further ado:

Here’s what I think of the Republican Party:

You want to be fiscally responsible; yet don’t understand the percentage of our budget spent on welfare vs. military contracts. Removing welfare completely wouldn’t even cover one fighter jet, so fuck off.

You want Second Amendment rights to not be infringed; yet you don’t give one single fuck about them being well-regulated. “Blah, blah, tyrannical government, blah, blah..” They have flamethrowers, tanks, and drones. You have a pistol. Close your mouth, too much fucking stupid is leaking out.

You want smaller government, and to reign in spending; yet the annual defense budget for the #1 military in the world is more than the next 26 countries combined. And 25 of those are ALLIES, YOU FUCKING IDIOTS.

You want government to not support abortion, and to make it illegal; yet cannot understand that government ALREADY doesn’t support abortion, and it’s ALREADY legal. Fuck you. This better not have a chance until women have a majority in the government.

You want to claim your interest in abortion is religious, and you’re only defending those who can’t defend themselves; yet you vote to stall on fixing the poisonous water in Flint, Michigan, where defenseless children will suffer for decades. How fucking Christian of you.

You want to send our soldiers to war whenever possible, because we need to defend our rights and allies; yet you consistently vote to cut Veteran’s Affairs spending, and apparently think we haven’t noticed all our “rights and allies” involve oil fields. Selfish fucking assholes.

You say you want to get control of Big Government, and stop all the handouts and entitlements; yet you are the most wasteful, bureaucratic pile of dog shit there has ever been, admittedly out of sheer petulance, soaking up your salaries while shutting down the entire government and attempting to block and repeal every single bill, supreme court decision, law, memo, suggestion, shopping list, parking ticket, New Year’s resolution, and autograph request that came across Obama’s desk for the entirety of his two elected terms. I bet you got his fucking letter to Santa partially redacted.

You think climate change isn’t human-related, and don’t believe enough research has been done; yet you refuse any scientific evidence on every subject, and you cut science budgets wherever possible anyways. Also, fucking OIL FIELDS. We’re not all stupid.

You want to regulate sexual orientation, gender equality, bedroom activities, women’s rights, religion, and immigration; yet you’ve consistently shown yourselves to be homophobic (read: closeted homosexuals), misogynistic, prudish, sexist, bigoted, and racist motherfuckers.

Republicans aren’t the party of fiscal responsibility.

They’re also not the party of the lower 98%.

Republicans are not, as they claim, a party of Christian values.

They’re the party of “What Lies Can We Use To Get Our Way This Time?”


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