Apparently America is addicted to bacon. And zombies. This is a new development; I’ve been a fan of the zombie movie genre for my entire life, and I took particular notice the moment that pop culture included George Romero’s world.
And it’s not like it’s just movies. People have Z-Teams. Bug-out bags. Survival kits. When we gather to discuss the latest episode of The Walking Dead, we talk about the farm. Or the prison. Or the camp in the woods. Or Alexandria.
I bet you know someone that owns a machete. I bet he’s actually HOPING for a zombie apocalypse. I know I am.
And bacon? Come on. I’m sure you remember last year when it was announced that bacon is “probably carcinogenic”, and you also recognize this sentence is the first time since then it even entered your mind.
But seriously… Pull out your phone and Google “bacon” to see how many entries come up. Now try and imagine how many books your local library has with the word “bacon” in their titles. This is also a new development. And it also shows a ‘fuck it’ mentality.
Some years ago, I stumbled across the (rather obvious now) correlation between Millennial Indifference and Handheld Internet.
Basically, the idea is that as an entire generation was brought up to find answers in their pockets without tedious trips to the library, the culture in our youth has been one of laziness. If you can connect with your friends on FaceTime or Skype, you probably don’t even need to know how to ride a bike these days.
Can the adults reading this imagine such a thing? Having friendships with people you only saw at school? Not wanting to go outside? Book reports without study groups, meeting your friends at the library?
And how could it have any effect other than instilling a lack of work ethic? What other outcome could we possibly have expected?
Well, how about President Trump?
Let me explain. There’s more at play here than electoral stupidity, though that’s a factor.
Chris Rock once spoke of the glorification of ignorance. George Carlin called out the ignorance in our population as a direct cause of the corruption in Washington. Even Carl Sagan knew we were headed in a dangerous direction, where our society depends on science and technology, yet preaches pseudoscience and demonizes skepticism.
But we can’t blame Trump on the ignorance of millennials; the exit polls show clear as day that older folks are ignorant, too. Besides, it’s hard to blame the younger generation for voting in a celebrity; you old geezers put Reagan in office.
If you still think Reagan was anything other than an incompetent liar, you’re lost to ignorance. It doesn’t matter whether you vote Trump or Clinton, you obviously choose name recognition over anything else.
Which is why you’re going extinct.
Trump voters and Hillary voters are either those so hopelessly locked into the system that they can’t even see the system, or they are those who think that just because their favorite channel has “news” in its title somewhere, they have some kind of monopoly on the truth.
But what about Bernie supporters? Are we delusional? Do we really think this communist from New England has any right to try and let people vote for him?!? Heavens to Betsy! The NERVE! And the math! He can’t even get to 2,383!!! Just drop out already! Your freeloading supporters just want handouts! Besides, she has 3 million more votes than Bernie!
1. He’s a “Democratic Socialist“. Not a socialist, and not a communist. When you fail to understand the distinction, you broadcast your ignorance.
2. He’s from Brooklyn, and he has the highest favorability rating of any congressman in FIFTY YEARS. The people he has represented LOVE HIM. Maybe they’re worth hearing.
3. It’s true. It’d be damn near impossible for Bernie to reach 2,383 pledged delegates. But have you done HER math? She can’t either; not without her bought cronies fixing elections.
4. She didn’t drop out in 2008 until June, and his message is WAY more important than her coronation.
5. For the last motherfucking time; it’s not free stuff, we don’t want handouts, and they’re not entitlements. They’re social programs we have either A. long been paying for but had politicians gut them for personal gain, or B. better expenditures of our money than current contracts. You’d rather have regime changes for oil profits than educated children? You’d rather have mass graveyards of both children from war AND obsolete military technology from bloated government defense contracts? You’d rather Wall Street traders avoid a two-cent fee on trades than your children have a competitive public education?
6. Pay attention. This is a big one, and I’m fucking SICK of it. Hillary stands up there, on national television, and tells you that she has 3 million more votes than Bernie. She’s lying through her teeth to you, and she knows it. Let me explain. The total popular vote count during the primary election cycle counts only actual votes cast on actual ballots, in primary elections. If you filled in a box for a presidential candidate, you voted one time. That vote counts towards her supposed 3 million vote lead, or Bernie’s supposed 3 million vote deficit. But that’s only primary elections, not caucuses. Caucasus require a larger portion of time, dedication, enthusiasm, passion, work, and interest in politics. Caucuses do not count towards that vote, except as a total state count. The 3 million vote lead does not count the millions of people who have caucused, which Bernie tends to win overwhelmingly. WaPo did a breakdown, but under some very biased terms; not surprising, if campaign contributions are any indication.
So what gives? It’s not just millennials voting for Bernie, and it’s not just seniors voting for Trump. Why? I’ve just showed you the evidence that Bernie supporters aren’t stupid, and that voting for a celebrity isn’t a new concept.
What does this signify?
It’s absolutely true that Bernie supporters and Trump supporters have one thing in common: they’re sick of this system.
Why vote for an establishment candidate? Are you happy with your options? Do you enjoy a paycheck-to-paycheck existence? Is it cool with you that you’re one accidental injury away from bankruptcy and homelessness? That ANYONE is?
Hoping for a zombie apocalypse is sometimes just a masked desire to shoot people; sometimes it’s a faith in one’s abilities over a system that isn’t cutting it. For me, I’d rather see a world where the strong (and their loved ones) survive, and the rich get eaten. Because fuck this shit.
Eating excessive bacon is arguably as bad for me as smoking, but I do both. Why? Well, why not? The rich are ruining this planet, and it’s not like we’ll be able breathe outdoors in thirty years anyway. Three minutes of delicious, or five minutes of calm? That’s more than your government wants you to have.
Trump for President. Wow. You fucking people are stupid. But who can argue? They’re all the same. They’re not working for you. So it might as well be entertaining, right? Horrible thinking, but hard to blame them. The establishment isn’t exactly giving us the best of the best to choose from.
But Bernie Sanders.
Finally someone with our interests in mind. Consistent throughout his career, loved, respected on both sides the aisle, experienced (more so than any other candidate), and actually capable of getting his plans accomplished.
Millennials, Trump supporters, Bernie supporters, bacon lovers, zombie fans… The common thread is obvious.
This country collectively has thrown its hands up and said “Fuck this system.”
Please don’t fuck this up.